you've already had the best days of your life....

my grandmother has stage 4 colon cancer. she found 2 months ago. She has been given a month to live.. and that was last week. so only a few weeks left.
I have been on so many vacations and had so many amazing experiences with my grandma. Since i was little i've been to various places in the united states, been spoiled to death by her. I wouldnt be who i am today without her in my life.
I've been to maryland virginia wash DC florida california Utah Arizona Puerto Rico.. Grand Canyon, Golden Gate Bridge Alcatraz..and many more states/sites. all because of my grandmother. I have so many fond memories when i was younger.. all the beaches we went to all the shopping we did. How much she spoiled us as kids.. how i had the time of my life. I cant even type on here all the amazing times i've had.. but all i know is EVERY vacation I went on it was always special. We would come off the airplane and when we saw our grandmothers face it was the best feeling in the world. We would go back to her house and she ALWAYS had everything decorated candy in dishes gifts for us waiting on our arrival. EVERYTIME. I have had many birthdays while on vacation visiting my grandparents...i mean who gets to have their birthday in Puerto Rico, San Francisco, Miami, Phoenix? Those are the birthdays i will never forget... waking up in the morning to grandma singing me hapy birthday... the whole place decorated in strawberry shortcake decorations presents, plans made for the day. Not many people.
Besides all the vacations i've been on I have been taught so many thing thanks to my grandma. Crocheting, cake decorating, all kinds of crafts.. cooking. When we were apart from her she would call EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY and talk to each one of us. My sunday never felt complete if i didnt talk to her. But no matter what she always called. if she didnt get to talk sunday she wouold call monday. EVERY holiday we would wait for hte mail to come because we knew there would be a little special something in the mail for us from her. she made her own cards and decorated them personally for each of us kids along with money candy knick-knacs.. on every holiday!
I remember when she lived in the apartment in our house we always used to spend time there.. we would spend hte night and she would sleep on the couch and i would sleep on the floor next to her.. she held my hand and would hum songs to me while i fell asleep..she had this precious moments bible we loved and she always read to us. My favorite book in the whole would that she read to us was called "Miss Twigleys Tree" she read it to us all the time I even had it memorized! Near the 4th of july i remember her playing the song "Your a grand old flag" and we each had a little american flag and would march around her kitchen singing this song.
There are so many memories flying through my head right now i cant even type them out.
The past few years have been very hard things with my dad and things with boyfriends, fights with friends.. I always knew who to call when i was upset. My grandma. She always told me to find the good in people treat people how i would want ot be treated and love someone no matter what. Dont worry about what other people think. and most importantly that she and god love me the way i am and im perfect the way i am. She always made me feel better.. no matter what. Anything i needed my grama was there anytime.
The past year is filled with times I will cherish the rest of my life. My grandmother moved home from florida December 17, 2007. she moved into the apartment connected to my house. (basically is part of my house cuz i lived in it) and my first thought was "oh great" i didnt want her to move home because i wont lie i someitmes was a brat ot her and got anoyed with her sometimes... but i was upset she was moving home. and i dont know why. It was probably becaiuse that meant i would have to move out of my bedroom cuz my bedroom was in the apartment. Well things ended up being great.I started my job at hte barber center in January 2008. I worked from 11pm-9am. And EVERYDAY after working 10 hours all night i i made it a point to go over to my grandmas and just talk. see how she was doing and just spend time with her.. i always ended up being over there 2 hours at least. and i did this every morning. even when i would just want to sleep.. i couldn't sleep unless i wnet over and spent time wiht my grama. This continued all throughout the summer. I spent every waking moment besides when i was at work with my grandma. Not because it was the right thing to do.. not because i felt bad she was alone. it was because i wanted to. I got so used to spending all my time hanging out with my grandma. I did projects for her put things together that she couldnt do alone... I was there with her the whole past year she turned into my best friend.no matter what kind of mood i was in no matter if i got short with her... she was still right there for me when i needed her. Nobody understands how much my grama means to me.. she has been my best friend through out my whole life... but she has REALLY been my BEST friend the past year.. And I am so incredibly grateful for the past year i spent with her.. not even knowing she is going to die a year later.. i spent time with her because i love her so much. That year of my life will be with me forever.. i can say i spent the whole year with her befored she died and be so thankful for that time.
One day my grandma started feeling sick and had really bad pain... this went on for about 2-3 weeks... doctors didnt do anything. they said she had hemroids. well then finally on August 27th 2008 doctors found a massive tumor in her colon. I cant explain to you how i felt at this moment. We didnt know how serious it was.. she spent 3 weeks in the hospital. drs were back and forth on what to do. But it was way past the point of helping her. its spread to her liver and who knows where else.
Everyday I watch my grandma get worse and worse as the cancer spreads throughout her body. i watch her die more each day.. and its KILLING me inside.. its ripping me apart. BUt i stay strong for her. i told her when she goes to heaven that i will never ever ever forget her.. and to come visit me as my angel. The time isnt here yet but it will be very very soon. shes so miserably sick and weak. and its not fair. She is a strong person who lived a great life. its not fair she has to be the one to die. I dont know how to deal with this kind of thing i have never had someone so close to me die. I will be at her side till the day comes and she returns to heaven.
i love you more than i can even say grama... i love you so much